its going to get dark in about two, maybe three hours. i wanted to enjoy the day light today as much as possible but i got off work kind of late. but thats okay. lately ive been hoping that my 4-6 hour shifts would turn into 10-12 because quite frankly, root cannals, bridges, prophys, and other dental procedures that i forget the proper and exact names of, makes me forget how utterly weak i have become these past few months.

but im just hoping the stars shine bright tonight and that the moon is still full. just to make this night a little bearable than the previous ones that i have been having.

i have denied it once or twice, but im afraid that loneliness is still a fear of mine. recently i have been making very bad choices because of how much i hate being lonely. i have not been so strong.

ive even been having some morbid fantasies about leaving. you know, permanently. euthanasia never sounded so sweet. but of course i wont take it that far. i will not stray away from my problems with such absurd actions. its just been really difficult lately.

i wish that i could just be numb. maybe i should just smoke weed every hour, every single day to the point where i am incapable of feeling anything. i know it works, because i know someone who has done it. maybe not every hour of every single day, but you know.

ahh. i know im being lazy and stupid, because i know well enough that all of these things making each day harder to get through, is going to pass. im just too impatient.



(to my audience, please do not feel sorry. thats not what i intend to happen. im merely venting. thank you.)

i had a really really bad day today.

i just googled "how to lose your memory without seriously injuring yourself or dying"

fuck. lacuna inc needs to exist.


and i fucking lost my wallet.

yes, aissele santos kris enriquez finally made herself into the gym today.

finally! after weeks of "planning" on going back, i finally did it! after going back all i kept thinking was, "why the fuck did i not go back sooner?"

but it doesnt matter because im back now. whoo aissele!

i would say that today was a pretty productive day. i did miss class (again) (tsk tsk), but i did get tested for HIV (negative, duh). not because i was afraid i had it, but for extra credit. i also picked up my pay check. then paid my bills (=/). studied for my M1 test. finshed hocus pocus and started a new book. and finally go to the gym.

someone come give me a pat on the back.


k well i just wanted to brag about going back to the gym and some other irrelevant things, and i did, sooo byes!